Category: Modern Fables

ADAM AND EVE

After a few days on the new Earth, the Lord called to Adam and said:

“It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her.”

Adam answered:

“Yes, Lord, but what is a 'kiss'?”

The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush… Moments later, Adam emerged and said:

“Thank you Lord, we thought that was wonderful!”

And the Lord replied:

“Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. Now, I'd like you to caress Eve.”

And Adam said:

“What is a 'caress'?”

So, the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam took his beloved wife behind the bushes...  Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling and said:

“Lord, that was even better than the kiss.”

And the Lord said:

“You've done well Adam. And now, I want you to make love to Eve.”

And Adam inquired:

“What is it to 'to make love', Lord?”

So, the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared almost instantly...  And Adam said:

“Lord, what is a 'headache'?”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations 

THE RABBI'S ADVICE

An older Jewish gentleman married a younger lady and they were very much in love. However, no matter what the husband did sexually, the woman never achieved orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decided to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listened to their story, stroked his beard and made the following suggestion:
"Hire a good looking, strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife to fantasize and should bring the desired pleasure."
They went home and followed the rabbi's advice. They hired a handsome young man and he waved a towel over them as they made love. It didn't help and she remained unsatisfied. Perplexed, they went back to the rabbi.
"Okay", – said the rabbi to the husband, – "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they followed the rabbi's advice. The young man got into bed with the wife and the husband waved the towel. The young man got to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon had an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm. The husband smiled, looked at the young man and said to him triumphantly:
"You see, schmuck, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"

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Category: Marital Bliss

KITCHEN SEX

Sarah was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. Bert walked in. Sara said:
"I want to make love to you right now."
His eyes lighted up and he thought:
"This is my lucky day."
Not wanting to lose the moment, Bert gave it his all on the kitchen table. Afterwards Sarah said: "Thanks!" - and returned to the stove.
More than a little puzzled, Bert asked:
"What was that all about?"
Sarah explained:
"The egg timer's broken."

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Category: Women's Lib

UNCANNY INSIGHT

A spinster answered a phone call late one night.

“Hello,” – said a deep voice on the other end. “I know all about you. You'd like me to throw you on the bed, rip your clothes off, kiss you all over your body and make violent love to you.”
The woman looked at the phone in amazement and replied:
“You can tell all this from a single 'Hello?''

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Category: Naughty Jokes

LENT

On the first night of their honeymoon, the very naive virgin bride slipped into a sexy, but sweet nightie and with great anticipation crawled into bed, only to find that her husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied:

“Because it's Lent.”

“Why, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard” – she exclaimed, close to tears. “To whom and for how long?!”

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Category: Marital Bliss

BLEKA PROSPECTS

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said:

“Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly: Make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next ten months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely. “

On the way home, the husband asked his wife:

“What did the doctor say?”

“That you’re going to die,” – she replied.

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Category: Doctors and Patients

A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

A physician’s wife whose lover used to visit her apartment every morning when her husband was away at the hospital noticed that every time they made love, the man consumed an apple with great relish. When she asked him about it, he laughed it off:

“You know what they say sweetheart: ‘An apple a day, keeps the doctor away!’”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations

THE RABBI'S ADVICE

An older Jewish gentleman married a younger lady and they were very much in love. However, no matter what the husband did sexually, the woman never achieved orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they decided to ask the rabbi. The rabbi listened to their story, stroked his beard and made the following suggestion:

"Hire a good looking, strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife to fantasize and should bring the desired pleasure."

They went home and followed the rabbi's advice. They hired a handsome young man and he waved a towel over them as they made love. It didn't help and she remained unsatisfied. Perplexed, they went back to the rabbi.

"Okay", – said the rabbi to the husband, – "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they followed the rabbi's advice. The young man got into bed with the wife and the husband waved the towel. The young man got to work with great enthusiasm and the wife soon had an enormous, room-shaking, screaming orgasm. The husband smiled, looked at the young man and said to him triumphantly:

"You see, schmuck, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"

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Category: Modern Fables ADAM AND EVE

After a few days on the new Earth, the Lord called to Adam and said:

“It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her.”

Adam answered:

“Yes, Lord, but what is a 'kiss'?”

The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush… Moments later, Adam emerged and said:

“Thank you Lord, we thought that was wonderful!”

And the Lord replied:

“Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. Now, I'd like you to caress Eve.”

And Adam said:

“What is a 'caress'?”

So, the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam took his beloved wife behind the bushes... Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling and said:

“Lord, that was even better than the kiss.”

And the Lord said:

“You've done well Adam. And now, I want you to make love to Eve.”

And Adam inquired:

“What is it to 'to make love', Lord?”

So, the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind the bush, but this time he reappeared almost instantly... And Adam said:

“Lord, what is a 'headache'?”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Naughty Jokes LENT

On the first night of their honeymoon, the very naive virgin bride slipped into a sexy, but sweet nightie and with great anticipation crawled into bed, only to find that her husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied:

“Because it's Lent.”

“Why, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard” – she exclaimed, close to tears. “To whom and for how long?!”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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