Category: Marital Bliss

HAPPY AND SAD

A guy sitting at the dinner table with his wife suddenly asked her:

“I bet that you cannot tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time”

The wife promptly replied:

“The plumber has a smaller dick than yours."

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Category: Marital Bliss

SOUND ADVICE

A man went to see the Rabbi.

"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked:

"What's wrong?"

The man replied:

"My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asked:

"How can that be?"

"I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"

The Rabbi then offered:

"Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi called the man and said:

"Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"

The man said yes and the Rabbi replied:

"Take the poison."

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Category: Male Chauvinists

QUESTION AND ANSWER

¬ Question:

“Why do women marry?”

Answer:

“Because the vibrator cannot cut the grass.”

¬ Question:

“Why are condoms not manufactured in black?

Answer:

“Black makes everything look slimmer.”

¬ Question:

“How are women and rocks alike?”

Answer:

“You skip the flat ones.”

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Category: Male Chauvinists

NICE TRY

A man made a suggestion to his wife:

“Honey, what do you say that tonight we change positions?”

His wife responded with:

“Yes, I would really like that. Tonight, you stand by the ironing board and I'll lay on the couch and watch TV.”

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Category: Male Chauvinists

NO OFFENSE MEANT

“I have never encountered such impudence! I’m telling you that my wife is expecting a child and you are asking me from whom?”

“All right, take it easy. I thought you knew who the father is.”

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Category: Male Chauvinists

LOSS OF CONTROL

A man complained:

“I lost control of my car yesterday.”

“How did it happen?”

“My wife got her driver’s license.” 

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Category: Male Chauvinists

A GOOD IDEA

Asked St. Peter of God:

“Almighty Creator, what is your opinion with regards to smart women?”

“Smart women? Hmmm, not a bad idea.”

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