A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said:"Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!"The preacher said:"Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity."The man said:"I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!"The preacher said:"No shit?"
A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older gent suggested the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complained:"I've been a little sick to my stomach."The older doctor said:"Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"As they left the younger man said:"You didn't even examine that woman. How'd you come to your diagnosis so quickly?""I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed half a dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick,""Huh," - the younger doctor said, - "pretty clever. I think I'll try that at the next house."Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with an elderly woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did."I'm feeling terribly run down lately,""You've probably been doing too much work for the church," - the younger doctor told her. “Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps,"As they left, the elder doc said:"Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?""Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed."
The local preacher came to pay a visit to one of his church members on a Friday night. As he approached the house, he heard the loud voices of many people gathered inside. He knocked on the door and when the owner opened it, he saw behind him, a circle of naked men, with a blindfolded woman moving from one to another, handling each man's package and guessing whose it was.
Feeling quite embarrassed, the preacher stammered:
“I'll come at some other time. I don't think I'd fit in here right now.”
“Nonsense,” - the man replied. “Your name's been called three times already!”
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