Category: Preposterpus Stories

BAD CUT

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded:

“Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

“We're taking TWA,” - was the reply. “We got a great rate!”

“TWA?” - exclaimed the barber. “That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”

“We'll be at the downtown International Marriott.”

“That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?”

“We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.”

“That's rich,” - laughed the barber. “You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.”

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

“It was wonderful,” - explained the man, - “not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful and I had a beautiful 28-year-old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel, it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!”

“Well,” - muttered the barber, - “I know you didn't get to see the pope.”

“Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to meet personally some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.”

“Really?” - asked the barber. “What'd he say?”

“Not much really. He just said: ‘Where'd you get that lousy haircut?!’”

Custom Search

Category: Marital Bliss

BARBERSHOP TRIO

A man stuck his head into a barbershop and asked:

“How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around the shop and said:

“About 2 hours.”

The guy left. A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked:

“How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around at the shop full of customers and said:

“About 2 hours.”

The guy left. A week later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked:

“How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around the shop and said:

“About an hour and a half.”

The guy left. The barber looked over at a friend in the shop and said:

“Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes.”

In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asked:

“Bill, where did he go when he left here?”

Bill looked up and said:

“To your house to visit your wife.”

Custom Search

Category: Those Professionals TEST A very shy guy went into a bar and saw beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally went over to her and asked tentatively: “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?” She responded by yelling, at the top of her lungs: “No, I won't sleep with you tonight!” Everyone in the bar was now staring at them. Naturally, the guy was hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slunk back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walked over to him and apologized. She smiled at him and said: “I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.” To which he responded, at the top of his lungs: “What do you mean $200?”

If you enjoy my jokes, please recommend this webpage to your friends! Thanks.

Custom Search