Category: Ethnic Stories

IRISH VIRGINITY TEST

Paddy was planning to marry, he was and asked his family doctor, how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin. His doctor said:

"Aye, Paddy, all Irish use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself.... Virginity Test Kit.... a small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."

Paddy asks:

"Aye, and what do I do with these things, doctor?"

The doctor replied:

"Before ye climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, ‘That's the strangest pair of balls I ever did see...’, you hit her with the shovel.”

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Category: Straight from the Hip

GOD IS MERCIFUL

Two women shared a table at a fashionable café.

“Are you married?” - asked one.

“I was,” - answered her companion - “but my husband died just two days after our wedding.”

“Then the poor thing did not suffer much.” 

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Category: Naughty Jokes

CODED MESSAGES

A mother told her three daughters to write home after their respective weddings and let her know how their married life was. The eldest was the first to get married and on the second day, a letter arrived with a single message: “Maxwell Coffee.”

At first the mother was confused, but finally looked at the ad, which said “Satisfaction to the last drop” and was very happy for her daughter.

After a week of marriage, the second daughter wrote to her Mother with the message: “Rothmans.” As usual, the mother looked for the ad and when she saw that it read “Life size, King Size,” was quite happy for her daughter.

After the third daughter's wedding, there was no news until after four weeks. Then a message arrived with the words “BRITISH AIRWAYS”. The mother rushed to her paper to look for the ad, but almost fainted when she saw that it read “Two times a day, four times a week, both ways.”

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Category: Marital Bliss

NEW EMPLOYEE

The child was a typical four-year-old girl – cute, inquisitive and bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the bride arriving at the church, the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc.

“Now do you understand?” – he asked.

“I think so.” – she said. “That is when mommy came to work for us.”

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes

COLOR CODING

At a wedding a child asks his mother:

“Mummy why is that woman in a white dress?”

“The bride is wearing a white dress, because this is the happiest day of her life and white is the color of happiness.”

The child reflects for a while on his mother’s answer and then asks again:

“Then why is the bridegroom in black?”

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Category: Old Age Humiliations

URGENT FAMILY BUSINESS

The wrinkled, but still sprightly old gent came to the fashionable law-firm for an appointment with a lawyer. The secretary looked through her boss’s schedule and asked:

“Would next Thursday be all right?”

“No, on Thursday I have to be at my parents’ wedding.”

“Your parents are getting married?” – the secretary was really surprised.

“They don’t really want to,” – answered the old-timer, – “but their parents insist.”

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Category: From the Mouths of Babes COLOR CODING

At a wedding a child asks his mother:

“Mummy why is that woman in a white dress?”

“The bride is wearing a white dress, because this is the happiest day of her life and white is the color of happiness.”

The child reflects for a while on his mother’s answer and then asks again:

“Then why is the bridegroom in black?”

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Category: Marital Bliss AT THE BOOKSHOP “Do you have the book “Household Chores for the Husband?”

“I’m sorry, we don’t stock fairy tales.”

FAIR PLAY

“Daddy, why is it that the bride and the groom kiss each other after their wedding ceremony?”

“It is like boxers who shake hands before the start of a fight.”

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