Category: Political Jokes

DINNER AT THE WHITE HOUSE

Israeli leader Ehoud Olmert came to Washington for meetings with George W. For the State Dinner Laura Bush decides to bring in a special Kosher Chef and have a truly Jewish meal prepared in honor of their guest. At the dinner that night, the first course was served and it is Matzoh Ball Soup. George W. looked at the soup and after learning what it is called, told an aide that he can't eat such a gross and strange-looking brew.

The aide said that Mr. Olmert will be insulted if he doesn't at least taste it. Not wanting to cause any trouble (after all he ate a sheep's eye in honor of  his Arab guests), George W. gingerly lowered his spoon into the bowl and retrieved a piece of matzoh ball and some broth. He hesitated, swallowed, and a grin appeared on his face. He found he really liked it, digged right in and finished the whole bowl.

“That was delicious," - he said to Olmert. "Do Jewish people eat any other part of the matzoh, or just the balls?" 

Custom Search

Category: Political Jokes

ROYAL MANNERS

At Heathrow Airport, a 300-foot long red carpet stretched out to Air Force One and Mr. Bush strode to a warm but dignified handshake from Queen Elizabeth II. They rode in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine to the edge of central London where they then boarded an open 17th century coach pulled by six magnificent white matching horses.

They rode toward Buckingham Palace, each looking sideways and waving to the thousands of cheering Britons. So far everything was going well. Suddenly the right rear horse let fly with the most horrendous, earth-rending, eye-smarting blast of flatulence ever heard in the British Empire, so powerful that it shook the coach. Uncomfortable, but under control, the two Dignitaries of State did their best to ignore the incident. But, embarrassed, the Queen decided it’s impossible to ignore it.

"Mr. President, please accept my regrets. I'm sure you understand that there are some things not even a Queen can control."

Ever the Texas gentleman, the President replied:

"Your Majesty, please don't give the matter another thought. You know, if you hadn't said something, I would have thought it was one of the horses.”

Custom Search

Category: For Your Kids

SO FAR, SO GOOD

A man jumped off the top floor of the Empire State building. As he was plunging past the 70th floor, somebody stuck his head out one of the windows and asked the falling man:

“Hey man, how are you?”

“So far, so good!” - came the answer.

(This is the end of Joke One, but it has a continuation).

The building was high and the fall long. While the man was descending, a crowd gathered below. Luckily enough, our man fell into a bush and nothing worse happened to him, than a few insignificant scratches. Just when he got up and brushed himself off, a policeman arrived and asked him:

“What the hell is happening here?”

“I don’t know,” - answered the man. “I just got here.”

Custom Search

Category: Political Jokes

MOZES 

George W. Bush Jr. was in an airport lobby and noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

George Bush approached the man and inquired:

"Aren't you Moses?"

The man ignored George and stared at the ceiling. George Bush positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again:

"Aren't you Moses?"

The man continued to peruse the ceiling. George tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?”

The man finally responded in an irritated voice:

"Yes I am".

George asked him why he was so uppity and the man replied:

"The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert".

Custom Search

Category: Preposterous Stories

BRAGGER

Goldberg was bragging to his boss one day:
"You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone and I know him."
Tired of Goldberg’s boasting, the boss called his bluff:
"OK, how about Tom Cruise?"
"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends and I can prove it."
So Goldberg and his boss flew out to Hollywood, knocked on Tom Cruise's door and sure enough Tom Cruise shouted:
"Goldberg! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"
Although impressed, Goldberg's boss was still skeptical. After they left Cruise's house, he told Goldberg that he thought Goldberg's knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," – Goldberg said.
"President Bush," – his boss quickly retorted.
"Yes," – Goldberg said, – "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they went. At the White House, Bush spotted Goldberg on the tour and motioned him and his boss over, saying:
"Goldberg, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in.
Let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."
Well, the boss was very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they left the White House grounds, he expressed his doubts to Goldberg, who again implored him to name anyone else.
"The Pope," – his boss replied.
"Sure!" – said Goldberg. "I've known the Pope for a long time."
So off they flew to Rome. Goldberg and his boss were assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Goldberg said:
"This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards, so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."
And he disappeared into the crowd, headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Goldberg emerged with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time he returned, he found that his boss has had a heart attack and was surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss's side,
Goldberg asked him:
"What happened?"
His boss looked up and said:
"I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the Japanese tourist next to me asked: ‘”Who's that on the balcony with Goldberg?’"

Custom Search