Category: Old Age Humiliations

ELDERLY SEX

One night, an 87 year-old woman came home from bingo and found her 92 year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly.

Brought before the court on the charge of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly:

“Yes, your honor.  I figured that at 92, if he could have sex... he could also fly.”

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Category: Blondes
SATISFIED CUSTOMER

A blonde called Delta Airlines and asked:

"Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"

The agent replied:

"Just a minute."

"Thank you," – said the blonde and hung up.

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Category: Ethnic Stories

JEWISH FLY

A guy offered to buy a drink for an attractive young woman seated at a bar. She gave him the green light, so he went to the end of the bar and whispered to the bartender to make up a Martini for her and put some Spanish fly in the drink. The bartender whispered back to say he’s all out of Spanish fly and all he has left is Jewish fly.

“Jewish fly?” – Shrugging his shoulders, the guy said – “OK, put some of that in her drink.”
As she sipped the drink, she got more and more cozy, really warming up to the guy. Finally, she finished the drink, leaned over and in a low, slow and sexy voice whispered in his ear:
“Let’s go shopping!”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

TIGHT SKIRT

One day, a large group of people was waiting for the bus at a local Greyhound station. At the front of the line was a very attractive woman dressed in a black business vest, white blouse, leather miniskirt and high heels. As the bus pulled up and opened the door, she went to board it, but found that her skirt was too tight for her to raise her leg to the required height. Looking around and thinking quickly, she reached behind her and unzipped the zipper on the back of her skirt a little and then tried again.

Again, she found that she could not maneuver the step, so once more she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. With a smile, she looked at the bus driver and tried to board again. With disappointment, she found that she still couldn’t step that high and so with exasperation and a sigh she unzipped her skirt the rest of the way down. To her amazement, her leg still did not reach the bottom step.

Finally, a very large Texan behind her gently grabbed her by the waist, lifted her up and placed her on the bus. The woman turned to the Texan furiously and said:

“Who do you think you are to touch my body in that way? I don’t even know you!”

Nonplused, the Texan looked at her and replied:

“Well, ma’am, after you unzipped my fly I thought we were pretty good friends.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes

PITIFUL STATE

A middle-aged man was riding the subway with his fly open. A boy whispered in his ear:

“Uncle, half of your wee-wee is hanging out.”

The man sighed:

“Unfortunately, that’s all of it.”

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Category: In the Middle East

APPEARANCES MISLEAD

Tel Aviv doesn’t have a Mètro, but it does have underground toilets, whose entrances somewhat resemble the Mètro entrance in Paris. A French tourist visiting Israel, was wondering about one of these entrances and asked a guy just coming up the stairs:

“Mètro?”

“No, only half a Mètro,” - answered the man morosely and zipped his fly.

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Category: Naughty Jokes TIGHT SKIRT

One day, a large group of people was waiting for the bus at a local Greyhound station. At the front of the line was a very attractive woman dressed in a black business vest, white blouse, leather miniskirt and high heels. As the bus pulled up and opened the door, she went to board it, but found that her skirt was too tight for her to raise her leg to the required height. Looking around and thinking quickly, she reached behind her and unzipped the zipper on the back of her skirt a little and then tried again.

Again, she found that she could not maneuver the step, so once more she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more. With a smile, she looked at the bus driver and tried to board again. With disappointment, she found that she still couldn’t step that high and so with exasperation and a sigh she unzipped her skirt the rest of the way down. To her amazement, her leg still did not reach the bottom step.

Finally, a very large Texan behind her gently grabbed her by the waist, lifted her up and placed her on the bus. The woman turned to the Texan furiously and said:

“Who do you think you are to touch my body in that way? I don’t even know you!”

Nonplused, the Texan looked at her and replied:

“Well, ma’am, after you unzipped my fly I thought we were pretty good friends.”

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Category: Naughty Jokes PITIFUL STATE A middle-aged man was riding the subway with his fly open. A boy whispered in his ear: “Uncle, half of your wee-wee is hanging out.” The man sighed: “Unfortunately, that’s all of it.”

Throw Back Guy: Professional jerseys from NFL, NHL, NBA, & MLB teams. Buy jerseys at cheap clearance prices. Get up to 40% off retail jersey prices. http://www.throwbackguy.com

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Category: Computers IF A RESTAURANT FUNCTIONED LIKE MICROSOFT Patron: “Waiter!” Waiter: “Hi, my name is Bill and I'm your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?” Patron: “There's a fly in my soup!” Waiter: “Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.” Patron: “No, it's still there.” Waiter: “Maybe it's the way you're using the soup. Try eating it with a fork.” Patron: “Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.” Waiter: “Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl. What kind of bowl are you using?” Patron: “A SOUP bowl!” Waiter: “Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem. How was the bowl set up?” Patron: “You brought it to me on a saucer. What has that to do with the fly in my soup?!” Waiter: “Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?” Patron: “I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!” Waiter: “Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?” Patron: “You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??” Waiter: “Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.” Patron: “Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?” Waiter: “The current Soup of the Day is tomato.” Patron: “Fine. Bring me the tomato soup and the check. I'm running late now.” The waiter left and returned with another bowl of soup and the check: Waiter: “Here you are, Sir, the soup and your check.” Patron: “But this is potato soup.” Waiter: “Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.” Patron: “Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.” The waiter left. Patron: “Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!” The check: Soup of the Day ……… .........……… $5.00 Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day…. $2.50 Access to support …………………… $10.00 Total ………………………………… $17.50

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